As the end of the calendar year approaches, the various year-end sporting awards are announced. One of the most useless and dim-witted sporting awards is the Associated Press’ (AP) Athlete of the Year Award. The Associated Press has been awarding their “Athlete of the Year” award since 1931 and was the first award of it’s kind in the United States. It tries to celebrate both a top male and a female athlete based on the voting of various AP sports contributors. Instead it leaves a true sports fan scratching their head and thinking the annual Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest is more respectful (big ups to 3 time champion Joey Chestnut, future recipient of AP male athlete of the year).
After this year’s votes were counted one thing is clear, the Associated Press are idiots.
Apparently 2009 was a slow sports year in their mind. The AP voted for NASCAR racer Jimmie Johnson and tennis star Serena Williams as their 2009 AP Athletes of the Year.
For those who don’t know, Jimmie Johnson drives a car. He drives it around an oval, driving as quickly as he can while only making left turns. Yes, here is your 2009 top male athlete of the year!
Jimmie watch out for the right turn! Ha! Just joking…Serena Williams, on the other hand, uses her athletic ability to compete at her sporting events. She was the top female tennis player of the year, winning 2 of the 4 major tournaments. She had a great year however it was far from dominating. She won the award for top female athlete despite losing an important match for threatening a line judge, not just once but twice. This famous moment came during the US Open semi-finals against Kim Clijsters. This is where she might have had her biggest and most costly sporting meltdown.
Clijsters won the closely fought match when Serena was docked a point for repeatedly threatening the line judge. Her monumental outburst was one that hasn’t been witnessed in female tennis in decades and possibly ever.
Despite showing a lack of class on the court, the AP found her to be the top female athlete of the year.
Ok, so the AP has a tough time looking outside the United States. Only 16 times since 79 awards has a non-American won the award. Worse yet is that outside of tennis or golf, a female athlete doesn’t stand a chance of winning the award. WBNA Candace Parker is the only non-golfer or tennis player to win the award in the past decade.
So who finished second you ask? Why the Breeders’ Cup champion of course. No not her jockey Mike Smith but the actual horse Zenyatta. Yes, a horse came second.
The obvious question is can we rightfully consider a horse an athlete and make them compete in a category against humans. However if we compare the careers of some of the best horses ever, we quickly notice how undeserving Zenyatta’s second place finish truly is. Affirmed, the last triple crown winner wasn’t even mentioned in the 1978 voting for AP male athlete of the year.
Not only is Zenyatta undeserving of the award but it demonstrates the ignorance of the AP voters. How is it that her jockey doesn’t get a mention however the “jockey” for the #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet wins male athlete of the year?
What is clear is how irrelevant the award has become. Sanya Richards, who dominated female track & field in 2009, didn’t get a mention. Double world record breaker Usain Bolt has never figured in the voting, neither has the most dominant male tennis player of the last decade, Roger Federer. How is this? I will unvail the truth, it is quite simple.
The AP is comprised of 60 year old, Viagra popping, blue-haired men who all live in a town of less than 200 hundred people, with no internet or any outside influence (apart from themselves) and believe sports are only played in the land between the states of New York and California.
I wonder how Zipper would figure in the voting if he ever got on a hot streak at the local AP casino.
Future AP Male Athlete of the Year, Zipper, coming on strong in the inside lane.
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Funny article Pete. I thought you and others may appreciate this piece of satire:
ReplyDeleteFrom www.sportspickle.com
Jimmie Johnson's 750hp Chevrolet Impala SS was named Athlete of the Year by the Associated Press today, becoming the first car to win the award, and besting Roger Federer, Usain Bolt, Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant, Albert Pujols, and Jimmie Johnson. The car did not comment on the award, but Johnson said he was honored to even receive votes. "To be mentioned in the same sentence as my car -- wow, there are no words," he said. "I pretty much sit there and push its gas pedal all the way down. I'm not sure what I did to get my votes. I guess it's being in a fast car and not being fat. Hey, I'll take it."
That is funny yet very true.
ReplyDeleteI remember Canadian baseball player Larry Walker complaining about losing to a car when he lost the Lou Marsh award to driver Jacques Villeneuve.
The real point should have been who really cares about the Lou Marsh award...