The Dignity Bowl is pitting S-O’s finest (and only) three writers against their mothers in a competition of wits, as we attempt to see who can pick more NFL playoff games correctly. As Marty put it, “we have nothing to gain and can only embarrass ourselves”. Giddy up.
This Friday we’ll post our picks for all to see and hopefully our extreme football knowledge will come shining through. Dear god I hope it comes shining through, otherwise it's going to be an ugly summer.
In order to give you a better idea of who's who in the event, we’ll spend the next 3 days breaking down the match-ups and competitors, just like a real Bowl Game, but with less hype, less controversy and more on the line.
Given that my job here at Sports Opinionated is usually to provide stats, analysis and boatloads of tables and charts, I’ll do my best to highlight the first match-up in a similar manner.
Obviously my mom is the “Beauty” in the title of this post. Yes, that makes me the Beast. Just picture me hunching over a giant plate of nachos while slurping a mug of beer and frantically flipping channels between games while I grunt every time someone makes a good play. You get the picture. I apologize if you were eating while you read that.
Category 1 - Betting History
If we’re going to compare the chances of picking correctly, we obviously need to understand the betting histories of the two of us.
I tend to bet on football games and play poker, so I should technically have a good mind for this kind of thing.
My mom, however, has been known to put money down on dog racing, makes at least one trip to Vegas a year, plays card games for money with friends and has even taken a few loonies off 6-year-old relatives in some horse-race game with dice. She’s definitely more ruthless.
Advantage: Beauty
Category 2 - Football & Sports Knowledge
We’re not just betting on anything here, we’re betting on sports and football in particular. Obviously it matters how much knowledge you have on the particular topic.
I watch anywhere from 4 to 8 football games a week, catch the odd college football game, read 20-25 football articles and run a sports website. I would give myself a B+ for sports knowledge in this case. Just in case you’re wondering, I would give Joe Buck a D+ and Colin Cowherd a K.
My mom quit following sports intensely when her kids stopped playing. Don’t get me wrong, she was a hockey mom through-and-through. You could hear her voice from anywhere in the rink, but I don’t think she knows if Joe Montana retired and has no idea who the quarterback of the Colts is. She does follow hockey and definitely knows her golf, tennis and curling – but that’s not going to help her here.
Advantage: Beast
Category 3 - Rational Thought
Another problem with picking games correctly, is being both objective and rational in your thought process.
I may have a problem here. I have a favorite team (the Colts) and teams I hate (Pats, and somewhat the Cowboys). This can sway my picks. It’s hard to pick against your own team, even when you think they’ll lose and it’s hard to pick against teams you dislike because you don’t want to cheer for them.
My mom, however, has no such bias. As long as she doesn’t revert to picking based on the color of uniform or logo she likes the best, she’ll be fine.
Advantage: Beauty
Unfortunately for me, the analysis shows a 2-1 advantage for my mom. Much like in football though, sometimes a dominant trait can carry a team. The Chargers might not play great defense or run the ball well, but they’re riding an 11 game win streak just because they have an unstoppable passing game. Hopefully my B+ sports knowledge will carry me through.
Next up is Pete vs his mom tomorrow. Marty vs his mom on Thursday and the actual picks on Friday.
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